What is it like to wake up one day with a face transformed by acne? The author takes distance from her career as a model to reveal the intimacy of this ordeal.
Acne is invasive, unpleasant, uncomfortable. Far from being
a superficial issue or "simple pimples", as many think, it is something
immensely painful, a disease that affects the way we perceive ourselves and how
we relate to others. My story with acne began just over three years ago and it
has been one of the longest and most difficult battles I have fought so far .
Mine is probably also the story of many teenagers, women and men, who suffer in
silence, under layers of makeup or Instagram filters.
In my teens I was fortunate not to have a single pimple, not
even on those days of the month. My skin was, as they say, porcelain. In my
early college years, I wore makeup almost daily and many times I went to sleep
without removing makeup properly. I never restricted myself in what I ate:
fats, dairy and sugars were part of my daily diet and my skin never reflected
any problems.
A few semesters after finishing my degree, the pressure to
pass the last subjects, my degree thesis and professional practice began to
affect me. I remember one morning, sitting in a university cafeteria, I saw two
red dots on my chin reflected on the cell phone screen. I realized that they
were pimples, but I did not give them any importance. The following week there
were no longer just two, now he had a small outbreak on the lower part of his
cheeks. At that moment I understood that something was not right.
Within weeks, my face was completely covered in red,
inflamed pimples, pimples, and bumps . Finding a few inches of healthy skin was
a challenge. At that time I did not know much about the subject, but it was
clear that it needed to be treated by a professional. However, I puzzled out of
ignorance and I thought that buying as much cream as suggested and trying how
much homemade mask existed I was going to heal my skin . The result was a shelf
full of overpriced creams that had no effect other than generating deep anxiety
and making my skin more sensitive than it already was.
My mood changed. I became irascible, impatient, lived in
constant anguish . Even the smallest things gave me infinite anxiety. I got to
the point of avoiding mirrors and any surface on which I could see myself
reflected. I felt that everyone was looking at me with a mixture of regret and
confusion.
Foundations and high coverage powders became a must for me.
As soon as I got up, the first thing I wanted to do was cover my skin with
them, but even with layers of makeup I hated the way I looked . Positive thoughts
and mantras had no place in my head, I was immersed in shame and deep
discomfort with my appearance. Knowing that there are so many people who
struggle with serious and even terminal illnesses only added guilt and feelings
of defeat to my discomfort with myself.
One night, I went into the bathroom to remove my makeup. I
turned on the tap, got my face wet, and proceeded to put the cleanser on. The
friction of my hands on the bud caused me pain and a sensation of heat
throughout the area. I looked up into the mirror and what I saw just horrified
me. He didn't recognize me under that other red, inflamed face . I remembered
the first time I had had contact with this disease, when a classmate from
school appeared one day with a totally different face and was caught by all
eyes. Living it in my own flesh made me feel closer, understand how difficult
it is to wake up under another skin.
After six months of thinking I could heal on my own, I
finally decided to go to a dermatologist. He prescribed antibiotics and topical
ointments, but they didn't work. I consulted a second opinion and after a brief
check-up he explained that it was severe, late and hormonal acne. During the
year of treatment, I took low doses of a drug that controls the secretion of
the sebaceous glands. Everything that I was prescribed had a number of side
effects; this, at least, only produced dryness in some parts of the body. After
five months, the marks began to fade until they disappeared completely and I
began to regain my confidence. But that joy was short-lived.
Like a spiral, acne governs your moods and, at the same
time, they are reflected on your skin . In the middle of last year I went
through a very difficult moment in my love life, which broke my peace of mind
to the point of generating a nervous breakdown. I began to somatize my sadness
and see myself as I felt. I was not feeding well and not getting enough sleep,
I had stopped doing the things I liked and had completely forgotten about
myself. My skin began to break out in the same way as before: the chapter had
opened again and with it all the fears.
This time, fear did not paralyze me, it led me to do what I
had never done. The experience of dealing with the disease had helped me to
accept the changes without resigning myself and to understand that I needed the
help of a professional, but that it was important for me to understand myself
with him, as well as to know a little better the responses of my body. In this
process, I discovered that stress, a few hours of sleep, the consumption of
dairy products and greasy foods significantly worsen the condition of my skin .
I also understood that not all bodies are the same and that just as these
habits affect me, the same does not happen with other people. My next step was
to put myself in the hands of a specialist who would give me confidence, hope
and with whom I could start a treatment that would make me feel comfortable.
Two months have passed since I started this new medical
treatment, supplemented with cosmetic procedures. My skin is improving rapidly.
I know that medications have played a fundamental role in this improvement, but
the most important change has been the one I have made internally after a long
learning process . I still can't say that I completely eradicated acne from my
life. What I am certain of is that these brands have left their mark: I have a
greater knowledge of myself, a spirit strengthened in self-love and I feel
closer to others.
What I learned:
Acne is not a purely cosmetic problem, it is an inflammatory
skin disease that, if not treated in time, can affect our quality of life on
multiple levels.
You shouldn't feel guilty if you suffer from it. Many times
our body communicates things to us and we need to listen to it and take action.
Severe acne is not a hygiene issue, so you shouldn't feel
responsible or embarrassed.
Sleep the hours you need, eliminate foods and drinks that
cause breakouts from your diet and stay away from people. Activities or
situations that produce stress will represent a great change in your quality of
life and in the health of your skin.
It is essential to banish negative thoughts about our image
from our mind.
Not giving power to the opinions that other people may have about your appearance is the first step in building yourself from love.
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